I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
