I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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