Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
