sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
