Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
