I hate all girls vehemently.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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