Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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