You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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