oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
