He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
