So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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