I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
