theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
