I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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