I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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