i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
