get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
