we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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