i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
