3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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