Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
