He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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