I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
false alarm, still single
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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