I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come share oat with me in your robe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
