I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
