On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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