I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
