just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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