Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
