I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
