I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i believe in u and ur pee
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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