Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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