Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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