I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
