Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
