If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
