what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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