i just google imaged poop.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
