i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
