Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
