Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
