I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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