Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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