My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
