im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
