The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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