Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
