please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
