I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
