No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she peed on how many people?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
