we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
